Tag Archives: #transpride

Readin’, Writin’ and Transgenderin’

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On Friday, US public schools got schooled. They received a letter from the US Department of Justice and the Education Department regarding transgender students.

The letter says public schools must permit transgender students to use bathrooms and locker rooms consistent with the gender they identify with. (Yes, I know it’s “with which they identify” but that sounds so awfully formal in my blog so I wrote it incorrectly. On purpose. Dangling participles be damned.)

In short, the letter spells out what’s expected of public schools in exchange for the federal funding they receive. Loretta Lynch is the Attorney General who sent out a statement along with the directive, which included the following statement:

“There is no room in our schools for discrimination of any kind, including discrimination of any transgender students on the basis of their sex.”

And schools are responding. Iowa cried foul. Texas called it blackmail, with the state’s Lt. Governor saying Texas will forfeit federal education money rather than follow the guidelines as they were laid out. Iowa, North Carolina

What’s interesting to me is this: I have two kids, both in middle school. They’re old enough to understand the situation and they’re perfectly fine with the idea of transgender students using whatever restroom they choose. Their friends seem to be, as well. Perhaps I live in a tiny little bubble of acceptance land, where we don’t discriminate and we don’t judge. But I have to believe that kids elsewhere might feel the same way.

I wrote in a previous blog about a Virginia students’ fight to use the boys’ restroom. The kids didn’t have a problem with it. The school board had an issue, and they’re the ones who raised it up to the court level, fighting to make this student use the girl’s room even though he identifies as male. If the kids don’t care, why are we adults making it a huge deal?

Maybe, just maybe, our children are more open and accepting than we are. As we strive to teach them lessons — in the classroom, in the home, and in their lives — they’re learning. Let them learn well the lesson of acceptance. And please let us be the ones to teach it. Because right now, it seems that we’re the ones that could use some schoolin’.

The only thing we have to fear is…not what you think.

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I just read a blog that damn near knocked my socks off. Which is a pretty good feat (feet?) since I was barefoot at the time.

The blog neatly lists reasons we don’t need to fear transgendered people, each as important as it is accurate. I’ll shorten the explanations here but I encourage you to read the full blog, with or without socks. You don’t even need to worry about whether the lights are on or off when you read it. I promise it’s not scary.

Culled from Chase Strangio’s blog, here is his list of why we don’t need to be afraid of those who are transgendered:

  1. The existence of trans people does not threaten the privacy of anyone else.

  2. Trans women and girls are women and girls. Full stop. They are not “biological males” or “men pretending to be women.” Same is true for trans men and boys.

  3. Extending legal protections to transgender people,including when it comes to using restrooms and locker rooms, does not threaten the safety of anyone else. (The bolded typeface is my addition – I wanted to be sure you saw it.)

  4. Policing of gender or genitals in restrooms is bad for everyone.

  5. Anti-trans laws are not about restrooms, locker rooms, safety, or privacy but about expelling trans people from public life.

Just think about that last one for a second. “Expelling trans people from public life.” That’s what would’ve left me sockless, had I been wearing said socks.

Who are we to expel anyone from anything? Did we learn nothing from the Holocaust? From the Civil Rights movements in the ’60s? We don’t get to control groups of people simply because they look, believe or act differently than us.

I’ve got two points to make here. In discussing this issue with people on both sides of HB2, the “Bathroom Law,” the biggest argument I hear in favor of it is from people worried about their children’s safety. They say they are concerned that child predators could use this as a means to sneak into a restroom, intent on harm. If that’s true, it’s not trans people we’re afraid of, it’s child predators. Totally different issue. Let’s penalize them instead of the trans community, shall we? That’s point one.

Point two is really hard for me to write because 1) I know I’m gonna really piss some people off and 2) I don’t often publicly call out anyone. But I am boldly coming out and saying I fear that – for a majority of people who support it – HB2 is a thin excuse to shun a part of society that isn’t understood. Trans people mean no harm. They’re trying to live the life they feel most comfortable in. The sad truth is, not everyone else can get comfortable with that. If so, it’s not the trans people we have a problem with: it’s us.

Whoa.

Who’s scary now?

The bottom line is this: Transgendered people are not asking for our approval. They’re not even asking for anything extraordinary. They’re simply asking not to be “expelled from public life” through discrimination. Which, the last time I checked, happens to be illegal.

Bullies or Bigots?

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With lawsuits flying back and forth between the US Justice Department and the state of North Carolina, there’s a whole lotta drama going on. NC Gov. Pat McCrory seems to think the government is confused about its HB2 law, otherwise known as the “Bathroom Law.” The state sued the Government, and the Government sued back. Think of it as Civil War 2.0.

McCrory is fundraising for his campaign’s re-election, asking supporters to “fight back against the federal government’s overreach and bullying tactics.” He seems to think that the government threatening to withhold federal funding as a result of HB2 is overreaching. The government says, “McCrory, you’re about as wrong as pairing okra with ice cream.” It’s a matter of equal rights for all.

I love Attorney General Loretta Lynch’s statement to the LGBT community:

“Let me also speak directly to the transgender community itself. Some of you have lived freely for decades. Others of you are still wondering how you can possibly live the lives you were born to lead. But no matter how isolated or scared you may feel today, the Department of Justice and the entire Obama Administration wants you to know that we see you; we stand with you; and we will do everything we can to protect you going forward.”

Wow. For all of the times I’ve complained about Government losing sight of the people it’s supposed to protect – which is frequently, sadly – I believe they got it right this time.

(By the way, for you trivia buffs, Obama is the first president to ever mention the word “transgender” in a State of the Union speech. I know, you probably thought Washington said it, but he probably glossed over it in favor of things like Valley Forge and paddling across the Potomac. Different priorities, I guess.)

Of course, it remains to be seen who will win this particular battle. Each day seems to bring a new development for the so-called Bathroom Law. What do you think? Is the Government overstepping its bounds by enforcing equal rights and cutting off funding to NC?  Is NC discriminating against the LGBT community?

The Restroom Issue that won’t Rest

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Like a carefully choreographed dance, more retailers are following Target’s lead, welcoming transgendered people to use the bathroom they identify with. Starbucks, Barnes and Noble and Hudson Bay Co. (parent company of Lord & Taylor and Sakes Fifth Ave.) said, “Yeah, Target got it right. We’re inclusive too!”

It could be seen as a gutsy move since the response to Target has been … um…. controversial. More than 1 million folks signed a petition to boycott the retail giant and multiple instore protests by anti-LGBT protestors have made it clear that this is a hot-button topic. (I don’t know about you, but I’m not inspired by people yelling at me to “Repent” while picking out new patio furniture. Maybe I’d listen better if I were in the candy aisle.)

Despite the flak that Target’s getting, the retailer is standing firm – and inspiring others to follow suit. Starbucks says they will be hanging gender-neutral signage on restrooms in their stores. Can’t wait to see what that will look like. Wonder if it’ll be just the male and female symbols with whipped cream on them?  You can bet the signs won’t have too much ice 🙂

Regardless of the bathroom signage, I applaud these stores for a move that could cost them some sales. In the long run, I hope it inspires more loyalty from those of us who consider ourselves allies. I’ll support them and enjoy sipping a skinny hazelnut latte while doing so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Excuse me, that’s not your stall.

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Fair warning: Expect potty humor in this post. A shit-ton of it.

The bathroom debate has opened up some new ways of thinking. It’s been interesting to watch the discussion develop, with both sides equally convinced they are right on the mark. There are those who say they are concerned for their safety, and those who say everyone should be allowed to use the bathroom of the gender they identify with. (Excuse the dangling participle, please. Better than a dangling dingleberry, right?)

In thinking about this whole issue, let’s put the seat down on the debate for a second and consider exactly how this could work. (Consider it stalling, if you will.) If it’s mandated that people have to use the bathroom of the gender that is on their birth certifcate, how would that that enforced?

My college professor, Joyce Dodd, came up with the answer below on Facebook and agreed to let me share it here. She’s identified a possible solution that not only ensures that people use the correct bathroom, but creates jobs too! (Insert Joyce-approved sarcasm here.)

Assuming there will be no return to outhouses, which were all gender, how about this? Businesses hire sex identity checkers for each of two restrooms. A male checker would be in a little stall outside the men’s room and those entering would be required to show their private parts before entering. After passing the check, a token would be given to the person who would give it back after going to the bathroom. A female checker also would be placed in same type of stall to check female privates to ascertain female parts. Same token protocol. Checkers would have to qualify themselves via a 20-page background probe, including fingerprints and appropriate swabs. A Ph.D in anything or professional practice in a related field would be a minimum requirement. This opportunity would be golden with the ratspatootie economy being what it is. Whether this would be a federal or state program would have to be decided by the federal or state governments.

 Tax payer dollars for genitalia identification. Seems like someone could make a hell of a campaign slogan out of that somehow. Like, “No pee gets by me!” Or “Penis or Venus – put stalls between us!”  Chime in and comment if you’ve got an idea for it. Maybe you’ll see it in the November election!

In all seriousness, I’m really curious about how this would be enforced. Do you have any suggestions – sarcastic or otherwise? How do you propose enforcing the correct gender for each bathroom?

Why I Want to Meet the Preacher’s Wife

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Target recently announced it would allow customers to use whatever bathroom they feel most comfortable in, to which I say, “Bravo!” Keep selling stuff I didn’t even know I needed but suddenly can’t live without, and I’ll keep shopping there. And now I have even more reason to spend my money in the land of the Red bullseye.

There are tons of reactions out there to Target’s stance on the bathroom issue: some incredibly supportive and others who denounce it. Those against the store’s decision say it endangers women and children by allowing men to enter the women’s restroom and dressing rooms. One million people have now signed a pledge to boycott the store. I’ve read so many reactions from both sides, trying to understand. I’ve queried personal friends about their thoughts on the matter, and they’ve respectfully and thoughtfully shared with me where they stand on the issue and why.

But probably the best thing I have ever read in my entire life was written by a woman I’ve never met, Missy Moody Richards. She is now my new hero. I do believe I’d walk through fire to shake her hand – or maybe even just touch it. She’s a preacher’s wife who says she will continue to shop at Target. She’s got an answer for every objection I’ve heard – an answer that is expressed articulately with humility and with humor.  This is what Missy had to say about keeping her four children safe in the bathroom when she shops there:

We can pee before we come, we can pee when we leave or we can pee in our pants if we’re that terrified of what we might find behind the restroom door.

And while I loved that quote, what really got me is her discussion about how this debate actually gives us an opportunity to discuss why some people feel afraid.

Transgendered people have never hurt my children. But believe it or not, a whole bunch of church people have. (Oh, yes, I said that. Hand slap. See how that honesty bit gets me in trouble?) What does that mean? It means that ANYONE is capable of hurting my children. ANY.ONE. And it’s my job to keep them safe. But what if they did see a transgendered person in the restroom? Would the world really end? No. Because I would then have the opportunity to explain to my children, who don’t have any choice but to grow up in this messy world, that there are some people who feel like they are different and like they don’t belong anywhere. We could talk about what Jesus would do and how He would expect us to love them and how we would feel if we didn’t belong anywhere.

She goes on to say that if Jesus were walking the Earth today, he’d be standing outside the bathroom at Target not to scare the shit out the kids of this world, but to tell them He loves them. And then she said this:

I think He would much rather be inside Target with people who are broken and messy than outside of Target signing petitions to make the outcast feel a little more shunned.

BINGO! Nailed it.

Now you should know this: I am a believer. I haven’t been to church in many years, partly because I have struggled to find one that makes me feel at home, and that embraces all of my vast and varied (and sometimes more Buddhist than Christian) beliefs. I’m not going to start quoting a lot of Bible verses here (partly because I am not a Bible scholar and partly because I know that for every verse out there there is one that seemingly contradicts it) but I will quote this Matthew 7:1-2 because it means so much to me:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” 

And that, my friends, is how I try to live my life. It’s not up to me to say who’s living life the ‘right’ way. Nor is it  up to me to say what the ‘right’ way is. I just want to do the best I can to help, and not hurt, others. That’s it. I want to live a good life. Raise kids who respect and accept others for who they are. That’s the best lesson I can teach them.

So thank you, Preacher’s Wife, for spelling it out so clearly. And thank you, Target, for doing the right thing when it comes to this matter. You’ve got a lifelong supporter right here.

Target? Bullseye.

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Aaaand let the protests begin. Target is allowing anyone to use any restroom they identify with. It’s the first national retailer to make a stand on where folks pee.

On its website, Target posted the following:

Recent debate around proposed laws in several states has reignited a national conversation around inclusivity. So earlier this week, we reiterated with our team members where Target stands and how our beliefs are brought to life in how we serve our guests.

Inclusivity is a core belief at Target. It’s something we celebrate. We stand for equality and equity, and strive to make our guests and team members feel accepted, respected and welcomed in our stores and workplaces every day.

We believe that everyone—every team member, every guest, and every community—deserves to be protected from discrimination, and treated equally. Consistent with this belief, Target supports the federal Equality Act, which provides protections to LGBT individuals, and opposes action that enables discrimination.

There are cheers and there are jeers. It should come as no surprise to you that I’m cheering, as are many of my friends, but I know of some who aren’t. Their issue seems to be fear-based, as near as I can tell. Those who oppose it say they are concerned for their safety.

My thought is this: If I was born a woman but identify as a man, I’m a woman going into the men’s room. How likely is it that I’m going to attack a guy? Not very. Conversely, if I was born a man but identify as a woman, I’m embracing my feminine side – which means I’m probably the LAST person who’s going to prey on anyone.

Of course, that’s just my take on it – based on nothing but my own thought process. But the statistics bear out my theory. Who’s more likely to get assaulted – straights or those who live an alternative lifestyle ? Check out these numbers:

Hate-motivated violence against transgender people rose 13 percent last year, while the number of overall incidents of hate-motivated violence against LGBTQ and the HIV-affected communities dropped 32 percent, compared with the previous year.  Source: Buzzfeed

While overall violence against LGBTQ and HIV-affected people is down, trans women and LGBTQ people of color are more and more likely to be attacked, even killed. Source: Source: Advocate.com

Homicides of LGBTQ and HIV-impacted people increased 11 percent between 2013 and 2014, according to the figures from the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs.

I’m not saying this is an easy conversation to have, but this restroom debate needs to be sorted out. People feel incredibly strongly about this issue, as evidenced by the polarizing reactions shown over HB2, “the bathroom law” in North Carolina, “religious grounds” in Mississippi, and now in restrooms at Target. I, for one, will continue to shop at Target because:

A) I really love their merchandise; and

B) because I stand in support of the LGBT community and their right to use the bathroom that they feel comfortable in.

Here’s a thought: what if we just went in to the bathroom, did our business, washed our hands, and got out without thinking about what is in someone else’s underwear? Because honestly, who’s gonna check that?

 

 

 

 

 

Fear Factor

Aside

I’m struck by the reaction to HB2, and I guess by the reaction to LGBT issues in general. This is apparently a very polarizing topic and I’m really, really trying to understand why.

I grew up in the community theatre environment, where any number of people involved were gay. Perhaps it’s because I was introduced to the idea as a young person, but I’ve always just accepted that they are who they are, just as I am who I am. It’s never upset me, never confused me, never disgusted me, and certainly never scared me.

Now, many years later, it’s becoming commonplace for the LGBT community to be more open about their choices. They’re hiding it less. I think that’s awesome. I think anything that helps people be happier is a good thing. A GREAT thing, even. Help me understand why it’s not, please.

Those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual,or transexual are not trying to get me to change my mind about my own sexuality. They’re not trying to convert anyone. They just want to live their life just as I want to live mine.

I look at it this way: some people love the mountains. Some love the ocean. Some love to snow ski. Others choose to hike. Still others like to lie in the sun all day. They all do their own thing and it doesn’t affect those who aren’t into those activities. The skiiers aren’t out there trying to convince the beach bums that they have to choose a downhill slalom, and the sunbathers couldn’t care less that the hikers would rather rock climb. Each does what makes them happy.

Why is sexuality so different? And why does it MATTER? Why does it strike fear in some of those who live a ‘straight’ life? If you can shed some light on that for me, please do so. Help me understand. Because for now, I’m not seeing it.

Now please excuse me. I’m going to go sunbathe.

Proud to be in VA

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After all of the uproar over HB2, the “bathroom bill” in North Carolina, it’s rewarding to see Virginia doing the right thing. Allow me to explain.

The 4th Circuit Court in Virginia just ruled that a Gloucester County transgender high school student should be allowed to use the boy’s restroom in his public high school. The 2-1 decision overturned last year’s ruling that stated Gavin Grimm, a junior, had to use the girl’s restroom because he was born female.

Grimm identifies as a male, and for a few short months in 2014, was allowed to use the boy’s bathroom … right up until people complained and the case promptly went to court. (Anyone else tired of an overly litigious society?)

But now the ruling means he can walk into the boy’s room again to do his business. There’s rumors this might have an impact on NC’s recent law (please, yes) that says people have to use the restroom that corresponds to the gender on their birth certificate, which is simply ludicrous to me. Anything that serves to overturn HB2 is a huge step in the right direction.

For those who are upset: Guys, the kid just wants to go to the bathroom, for crying out loud! He’s not preying on anyone. Leave him in peace and find something else to sue over. Like the number of napkins McDonald’s hands out.

Standing Up, Standing Out

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Like many of us, I’ve been watching the reaction to HB2, the bathroom law in North Carolina that dictates people have to use the bathroom that corresponds to the genderbathroom on their birth certificate. I can’t wrap my head around why — not just trying to understand the reasoning (if someone is intent on hurting another person, is a bathroom door really an effective deterrent?), but also the timing. Why NOW, when it seemed we’d made some strides toward acceptance??

So when artists started cancelling shows in NC out of protest, I was cheering. My immediate reaction was, YES! Boycott the hell out of the state and make them face their own stupidity, looking squarely at themselves in a gender-neutral bathroom mirror. Ringo Starr? Canceled. Circque du Soleil? Same thing. The reactions to these announcements are interesting, to say the least.  When Bruce Springsteen announced he’d cancelled his show to protest HB2, The NY Post called it “his silly stand for bathroom rights.” Silly? Why silly? He’s raising his voice in opposition. Since when is that silly? It’s one of the strongest rights we have in this country – to express ourselves freely. His outrage – and his means of showing it – are anything but silly to many, many people.

But then I read about Mumford and Sons, who are going on as planned. At first blush, you might think that means the band doesn’t give a … hoot. (It’s a bathroom post – you knew I had to go there.) But thankfully, the truth is just the opposite. The band is creating a charitable fund and donating the money raised in ticket sales for their North Carolina performance to support a local LGBTQ organization. Taking something heartwrenching and turning it into something beneficial… now that, I can get behind.

I love this quote from Bill Boulding, dean of Duke University‘s Fuqua School of Business regarding this whole debacle:

“Discrimination in any form should never be tolerated. It’s simply unacceptable. There is no justification. And it’s up to all of us to speak out when injustice rises.”

So speak out, in whatever way you feel makes your point the strongest. Whether it’s protesting by boycotting, by donating or by simply expressing your opinion, make yourself heard. And here’s the cool thing: it’s not silly. Standing up for yourself – or someone else – is never “silly.” It’s right.