Covermodel or Scapegoat?

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Here‘s a doozy … 

National Geographic magazine put a transgender person on its cover for the first time and the special issue is making waves, as you’d expect in today’s environment. Titled “Gender Revolution,” the January issue examines the shifting landscape.

The topic is (sadly) controversial in and of itself, but the photo has drawn out naysayers in big numbers: it’s a pic of 9-year-old Avery Jackson, who was born male but identifies as female.

Now we have a perfect storm of all the controversial elements:  the topic of transitioning, a trans CHILD of all things, gracing the cover of a credible, world-renowned publication. Nat Geo says they put a trans child on the cover because they hope the gender stories…

“will spark thoughtful conversations about how far we have come on this topic-and how far we have left to go.”

The naysayers are having a field day, as you might imagine. It’s enough to make their poor, close-minded heads explode.

BUT!  Duh-duh-dunnnn…

One response in particular caught my attention. This guy, Walt, who transitioned from male to female for 8 years, and then transitioned back.

Walt calls Avery “a cross-dressing boy.” He says that cross dressing a young boy is a form of emotional and pyschological abuse that should be stopped, not celebrated. And he says that putting Avery on the cover will…

“encourage a child to question his or her gender and sex and act out accordingly.”

I’m at a loss. Yes, the cover may encourage a child to question his or her gender – but I gotta believe only if they were already questioning it. It’s difficult for me to think that someone would look at a magazine cover and suddenly be interested in transitioning to the opposite sex if they weren’t already inclined to do so. I don’t look at GQ and think, “Geez, now I wanna be a man!”

Ludicrous, in my mind. Mr. Walt Heyer, I’m truly, honestly, sorry you were confused in your childhood. I’m equally sorry you felt that you made a mistake by transitioning, and I’m glad you transitioned back to what felt right to you. I hope it made you happy and feel at home in your body.

BUT!

Please, remember…

Life requires a lot of introspection to figure out who we are … and who we are changes as we age. I’m not the same person I was at 15, 25 or 35. I personally never had occasion to question my gender. I’m not saying that Mr. Heyer didn’t have reason to. I’m just saying it’s a shame that someone who, at one point, understood the need to physically transition can’t afford others the same opportunity without calling it “abuse.” I’m stumped at his reaction and really, just kinda left mystified by it.

Whaddya think?

1.  Is Avery a brave, young girl acting on her instinct who should be applauded for breaking down barriers?

2.  Is she being duped or misled into transitioning?

3.  Is transgenderism — as Walt Heyer puts it —  “B.S.?”

We gotta talk about this. Wherever you fall on the yay/nay spectrum, this is real. This is life. And THAT is why Nat Geo put a trans child on the cover.

Time to get those thoughtful conversations going… please start one here by commenting on this post.

Funny or Offensive?

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In the research I’ve been doing on the LGBT community, I’ve learned one thing pretty well… or so I thought. I thought I understood that trans people just want to fit in. They don’t want to stand out. They don’t want to be called out or made fun of. They just want to live their authentic life, going about their business as whichever gender they identify with.

Which is why I’m confused by this article about an art school project involving animated drag queens as flight attendants. (No issue there, by the way.) The video has some clever moments (although I could’ve done without the “special” air mask that dropped down), and I like the song they play. I’m assuming the name Priscilla Airlines is a takeoff (ha! Now THAT is funny) on “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert,” a movie about two drag queens and a trans woman.

My issue is with the way the kick off their safety instructions:

“Ladies, gentlemen, cis, trans, betweens, cross dressers, drag kings, drag queens, thirds, and genderqueers. Please pay attention to the demonstration.”

I just don’t see the humor.

Am I a stick in the mud?  I wouldn’t describe myself as such, but maybe I can’t see it. (Often those who are Debbie Downers describe themselves as realistic, not pessimistic. I get that.)

Is it because I’m only an ally and not part of the LGBT world … perhaps I’m missing an inside joke? That is very possible. Maybe probable. Inside jokes are usually only funny when you’re one of the in group.

I’m serious about this. (Maybe that’s why it’s not funny.) If you can help me understand why calling groups out by name is humorous, please enlighten me.

Reflections

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It’s been a week, folks. I’ve had highs and I’ve had lows. I’ve undergone surgery, celebrated Christmas, struggled just to get a shower, fought nausea (and lost), and mourned the loss of some of my generation’s biggest icons. I’ve thought alot about what I’d like to change for 2017.

And it’s only Wednesday.

I’ve thought about those facing discrimination for just trying to be who they are. Those who just want to use the restroom in peace. Those who want nothing more than to marry the love of their life. Those who want the same things we all want – love, self-worth, and acceptance.

It sounds so simple. And yet, it’s anything but for so, so many people. I’ve read so many stories (on a secret FaceBook page) about how difficult the holidays have been on the LGBT community. How a traditional holiday meal turned into a sermon. How some walked out on family – or didn’t even attend in the first place – because they knew the rhetoric awaiting them around the dinner table.

But I’ve also read about so many people standing up for themselves! Those who couldn’t wait to marry their significant other, and did so in the face of a government that threatens their right to do so within a few short weeks. Those who boldly put loved ones in their place – perhaps causing permanent damage to the relationship but determined to be true to themselves regardless.

Acceptance shouldn’t be seen as a gift. It shouldn’t have to be earned. It shouldn’t be dangled like a carrot that can be snatched away whenever the mood strikes. It should be something we all just take for granted, like the sun coming up in the morning or the changing of the seasons.

So that’s my wish for 2017.  I just wish people could learn to coexist peacefully – accepting each other for who we are, celebrating our differences, and honoring the beautiful soul inside each of us.

I’m going to spend the rest of this year – what’s left of it – thinking about how I can personally help make that happen.

This is bigger than me. It’s bigger than you. But if we all work towards it – a common goal – we can make progress. And that’s a wish worth working for.

What’s Behind Curtain #2?

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I’ve had a few folks ask recently about why I’ve started this blog. In case you’re interested, here’s the scoop:  I’m working on a new book. (Yes, I published one before. It’s here, if you’re curious.) 

It’s too early to get into details about my new work but it  deals with – surprise! – LGBT issues.

So this blog is helping me to learn more about the LGBT community. So that’s it – no big announcements from me or anyone in my family. It’s just research!

I’ve learned so much in this process. While I’ve always accepted lesbians and gays, I didn’t truly appreciate all they go through. I’m sure I still don’t (can anyone who doesn’t walk in their shoes?), but I’m closer to understanding. I celebrate their ability to legally marry and I hate the ongoing discrimination they face in so many other instances.

And I had almost no knowledge of the trans world so this has been eye opening, for sure. I’ve met some terrific people through this journey who’ve been willing to share some pretty personal experiences with me in hopes of helping me get a better sense of their world. I’m saddened by what they go through on a daily basis just to try to be themselves, and am so humbled that they’d tell me – a total stranger – about their struggles in an effort to help me understand.

So there you have it: my big secret. It’s a book!

I’ll continue to share my experiences here and I welcome your input, ideas, and inspiration for blog topics that relate to the LGBT world.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for coming along as I learn!

 

 

Learning the ABCs of LGBTQs

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This whole blog is about my learning experiences in the LGBT world. I found this article that is helping me better understand all of those who identify as anything other than straight.

Because the LGBT world encompasses more than lesbian, gay, bisexuals and transgenders. It also includes agenders, bigenders, and those who are gender fluid.

Then there’s graysexual, non-binary, and third gender.

It seems confusing. But when I stop think about it, it doesn’t have to be. Because I’m not supposed to know all of this – just like I don’t know everything about geology, microbiology or art history. No one knows it all. That’s how I stumbled across this article — because I wanted to learn more. It’s also why I’m sharing it here.

I definitely don’t know everything about the LGBT world but the key is, I’m learning. And I’m trying to learn. And yes, I make mistakes. I may use the wrong term, or use it incorrectly. But it’s not done with ill intent. It’s just what happens when we learn.

And maybe, just maybe, if enough of us try to learn – we’ll succeed. And we’ll be that much closer to a world of inclusion.

 

They’re Not Just Numbers

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Homelessness bothers me. A lot. My heart breaks a little inside every time I pass someone holding one of those small, handwritten cardboard signs. I wish I could help every one of them by offering …

Source: They’re Not Just Numbers

They’re Not Just Numbers

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Homelessness bothers me. A lot. My heart breaks a little inside every time I pass someone holding one of those small, handwritten cardboard signs. I wish I could help every one of them by offering them a safe, warm space to live. My family and I have started a tradition of putting together supply bags that we hand out, giving them toiletries, water, and a gift card for food. But I haven’t ever given them a home.

Who’s behind that sign? The faces are usually weathered. Tired. Defeated. Sometimes the face is younger; fewer wrinkles maybe, but the eyes still carry that same beaten-down hopelessness. And when it’s a young person, somehow it hurts a bit more… it’s hard enough to be a youth in today’s harsh world, but these kids — no more than children, really — don’t even have their own bed to sleep in, something I take for granted each night.

When you see a homeless young person, there’s a very good chance they’re LGBT. While these kids only make up 7% of the general population, LGBT youth represent 40% of all young people who are homeless. FORTY PERCENT. Nearly half of those kids out there without a home are LGBT.

That’s just staggering to me. According to a few articles I’ve read, LGBT youth are often homeless for different reasons than non-LGBT kids. Often, it’s because their family has rejected them.

And the harsh reality is that the world in general has too – and will probably continue to for their lifetime.

I’m grateful we’re making strides toward inclusion. They’re small steps, in reality, but there’s a tiny spot of awareness in this world that these people exist, and they matter. Forget for a moment about job discrimination, lack of services, and hate crimes. Think instead about the legalization of same-sex marriage, and the recent White House decision that says school students can use the bathroom of the gender they identify with.

Baby steps, for sure. But they’re steps that are at least moving in the right direction. And for these homeless LGBT youth — out there with no direction at all — at least baby steps are better than nothing.

 

Transgender Casting: Nashville Got it Right

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Who’s better equipped to play a transgender role in movies and on TV – a cisgender or a transgender? I’m hearing more about this argument lately, and was pleasantly surprised to see that the TV show Nashville has cast the first transgender actress on CMT. Jen Richards will play the role of a transgender physical therapist when the show starts its fifth season.

Good for them!

It makes a lot of sense to me. I’m an actress, and I’m capable of playing different roles. That’s what acting is all about. But when there’s someone who’s closer to the role for some reason – age, ethnicity, physicality, etc. – it’s understandable that they get cast instead of me. (It does’t mean it doesn’t sting, by the way, but I get why the director made the decision. It’s better than not getting cast because my audition sucked, right?!)

So the director of Nashville cast a transgender actress to play a transgender woman. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Contrast that to the backlash Mark Ruffalo recently faced after casting Matt Bomer as a transgender woman in his upcoming film, Anything. GLADD’s director of Programs, Transgender Media, said this about the move:

“The decision to put yet another man in a dress to portray a transgender woman touches a nerve for transgender people. It’s yet another painful reminder that, in the eyes of so many people, transgender women are really just men.”

And that’s the crux of it, I’m afraid. While maaaaaybe there is a bit more acceptance – and that’s a big maybe – there is still a huge lack of understanding. Like, a Grand Canyon-sized hole where understanding should be.

I do think we’re making progress, and taking baby steps toward understanding the trans life. But clearly there’s still room for improvement, both within Hollywood and society as a whole. All you have to do is read any article on HB2, the so-called “Bathroom Bill,” or read some of my earlier blog posts, and you’ll readily find where understanding is missing.

Like any major shift, this takes time. I’m thrilled to hear about Nashville‘s newest cast member and hope it will be the start of a new trend in casting … and understanding. I remain hopeful. And I might even start watching the show, just because of this casting decision.

As we say in theatre, break a leg, Jen!

(Logo source: By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=47802456)

 

 

 

It Took Them a Lifetime to Marry

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This weekend, I had the honor of attending the reception for friends who recently got married after 41 years together. FORTY. ONE. YEARS.

Why didn’t they get married sooner?

They weren’t allowed.

They’re gay.

But their sexual preference is not what defines these two wonderful people. They’re both incredibly talented performers. They have hearts of gold. They are fun, funny, and downright NICE people. They just happen to be the same gender. And as a result, these two men who’ve been together nearly as long as I’ve been alive couldn’t legally be married until recently.

It’s really ironic to me. I know plenty of straight folks who can’t sustain a relationship longer than a few months. I also know some who were married and divorced in the span of three years. (Raising my own hand, here.) Hollywood marriages are infamous for their brevity; we laugh when we hear about those legal unions that last days or maybe months, and put bets on how long the next union will “stick.”

But those marriages are “okay” because they’re between a man and a woman, right?

Before I go any further, yes, of course I am familiar with the 2015 Supreme Court ruling that same-sex marriages are now legal. My point is, why in the hell did it take us so long to get to this point?

As I watched this pair happily, freely, and LEGALLY celebrate their union, surrounded by nearly 100 family and friends, it brought to mind the injustice they faced for four decades. And it reminded me of the injustices they — and countless others — still face in the form of discrimination, benefits denial, hate crimes, or even dirty looks and snide comments by people who just don’t get it.

I’m so very grateful to know this pair, and even more grateful they can now legally share their lives. And I hope that as a society we’ll continue on this path of recognizing people as  equal. We have a long way to go, but thank God for baby steps.

And congrats to the newlyweds!

 

Update: She’s Out

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AthenaI promised to update this blog when I learned more about Athena Cadence, the trans prisoner who was on a hunger strike because she was being housed in the male pod of a California prison.

She’s free.

Here’s a quick reminder of her story: Cadence was sentenced for misdemeanor assult. She started a hunger strike to fight for a change in her housing situation. At this particular penitentiery, trans prisoners are housed together, but within the men’s housing area of the jail – which is against jail policy. During her two-month stint of not eating solid foods, Cadence lost 40 pounds and went to the hospital three times. A judge released her last week and she went straight back to the hospital to start being reintroduced to a regular diet.

Cadence complained several times about harrassment by prison staff. The grievances she filed did nothing to change things during her stay, but jail officials say they are investigating her complaints.

There are two other trans inmates still being held there. I hope that while Cadence’s hunger strike didn’t change things for her personally, perhaps her actions will help them and future trans prisoners.

I’ll keep you posted!